Golden Showers for the Gods

Zeus Was the first Piss Top

We can all agree that Zeus (known by the Romans as Jupiter) was the original slut. In the world of Greek myths, when the patriarch of the pantheon wanted to truly impress the object of his affections, he surpassed all bounds. Amidst the clouds and thunderbolts, love affairs were anything but ordinary because Zeus, the king of the gods himself, had a penchant for the… unconventional.

Take, for instance, Leda, the queen who was seduced by Zeus in the form of a swan and later gave birth to golden eggs. Or Zeus’ infamous dalliance with Ganymede, a beautiful young mortal shepherd who caught the god's eye, a tale that normalized male bisexuality (a cornerstone of ancient Grecian culture and all of the Western canon). Even Europa, a veritable princess, found herself whisked away by a magnificent bull — just one of Zeus’ many splendid forms.

Ever heard the saying "diamonds are a girl's best friend?” Well, Zeus made it rain pure gold. Intrigued? Let's unpack the myth of Zeus and Danaë: A prophecy chilled King Acrisius. It spoke of his own grandson ending his reign. Determined to cheat fate, he locked away his only daughter, Danaë, in a bronze chamber deep beneath the palace. Separated from the world, Danaë's days were shrouded in isolation. Yet, the king's fear couldn't wall out the desires of the gods. Zeus, captivated by Danaë's beauty, defied all barriers. He transformed himself into a shower of gold, raining down upon her (and impregnating her) in her prison, a dazzling display that would change their destinies forever.

The point of this story is that Zeus canonized golden showers as a show of affection and dominance.

This unique encounter between Zeus and Danaë has been a source of fascination and inspiration for artists for centuries. But how have they depicted this, shall we say, unorthodox display of love? Put on your goggles, because we are about to get gilded.

Here is one of the first known recreations of the myth of Zeus and Danaë. She looks a little apprehensive, and Zeus is absent, but his golden shower visually doubles as coins. Is this the origin of “Make it rain?”

Bell-krater showing Zeus impregnating Danaë with a golden shower, circa 450–425 BCE

And here is the god Eros (AKA Cupid) spewing gold on Danaë, giving her what is commonly referred to as a Roman shower, but Zeus’ thunderbolt is also pictured, and the shower turns to coins in the folds of her gown.

Eros gives Danaë a golden shower (Roman style), an antique fresco in Pompeii, 100 BCE

Fast forward 1500 years, and now we have a curious and receptive Danaë, completely willing to let some of it get on her face - not unlike many piss enthusiasts I have known.

Jan Gossaert, 1527.

Here the demure Danaë is surrounded by cherubs. Eros helps Danaë catch the golden mist in her skirts. Although this is a visual representation of her impregnation, it reminds me of those who like to jerk off in my stream.

Correggio, Danaë, 1531–1532.

Again, we find Danaë languidly contemplating the shower of gold coins pouring forth from a thundercloud (to be clear, Zeus is a thunder god). Eros stands by to the right, letting us know this is an erotic endeavor.

Titian, 1544.

A raucous scene unfolds as a languorous Danaë blushes into her shoulder. Many cherubs (no doubt, Eros and his bros) surround the reclining beauty and even part her luxurious folds (ahem) so that she can receive a golden storm from the gods. Ever her handmade has her goblet out to capture this goddish gold. Coins pile up on the floor.

Goltzius, The Sleeping Danaë Being Prepared for Jupiter, 1603

Here we see a languid and smug Danaë reclining into a shower of gold, much of it collecting in her loins. Her handmaid is also enjoying the abundance. I will say, Danaë is giving us a bit of a grimace here. I’ve seen that same grimace more than once. Sometimes people are conflicted about receiving golden showers, especially their first one, but know that it’s a tale as old as time and completely natural.

Artemisia Gentileschi, Danaë, 1612

Eros and Danaë welcome the strong stream of coins from the heavens. Be honest, wouldn’t you? Danaë seems ready to take it right in the face - this one’s a true piss fetishist. Or at least the artist was.

Orazio Gentileschi, Danaë, 1623

Rembrandt’s golden touch makes this iteration of Danaë a stunner. The softest golden mist touches down on Danaë in her bed. Her handmaid and Eros holding open its folds. One thing I bet is true about a golden shower from Jupiter is that you can do it right in the bed and somehow it won’t get drenched.

Rembrandt, Danaë, 1636

This Danaë is shy all around. She is looking away from the stream and covering her mons pubis. But she is still showing up for the deed.

Van Loo, 1650s

This one’s my favorite. See that look in Danaë’s eyes? She is loving this! Even Eros dips his hand in the stream. I could say Cupid because the title of this painting refers to Jupiter and not Zeus, so as not to mix civilizations. But that’s not the point. The point is that this artist clearly loved piss play!

Wertmüller, Danaë Receiving Jupiter in a Shower of Gold, 1787

And last but not least on our journey, even Klimt celebrated the myth of Zeus and Danaë. This stream is an all-out gusher and we know her hair is soaked. But our heroine is still gorgeous, glamorous and elegant. As many enthusiasits are!

Klimt, Danaë, 1907

Cheers, from me to you

I certainly know my stuff when it comes to Greco-Roman myths; however, all the artwork was sourced from here